Tab Realm

Delta Airlines by John Mulaney


          Delta Airlines



Tuning:G C E A
Key:F
Capo:no capo

[Verse 1]
 
C F                 C
Because we're Delta Airlines
 
[Verse 2]
 
    Dm        F       C
And life is a fucking nightmare!
 
Tab:
 
A|-3-------0-3-5-3-|-3--8-8-8--7--5--3--3--|
E|----1-1----------|-----------------------|
C|-----------------|-----------------------|
G|-----------------|-----------------------|



I will tolerate any treatment.
Like I travel alone sometimes, and I'll put up with anything.
I'll book a ticket on some garbage airline---
You know, I don't wanna name an actual airline so let's just make one up; let's call it "Delta Airlines."

So I'll book a ticket on "Delta Airlines" and I'll show up at the airport and I'll go, "Can I get on the plane now, please?"
And they go, "No. It's delayed nine hours."
And I go, "Okaaay!"
And then I go to the bathroom.
And then I come out of the bathroom and I go, "Any updates?"
And they go "Yeah, we took off while you were in the bathroom. Because we hate you. Now take this meal voucher that doesn't work, go fetch!"
And I go, "Okaaay!" and I go over to the Wolfgang Puck Express and go, "Can I have a sandwich please?" and they go "NO!"
And I go, "Okaaay!"
And they go, "You"re a little fat girl, aren't you?"
And I go, "Nooo," and they go, "SAY IT!" and I go, “I'm a little fat girl."
And then I go over to the Delta Help Desk, which is an oxymoron, and I go, "Can I please go home on an airplane?" and they go "No! In fact, we"re gonna frame you for murder, and you're gonna go to jail for thirty years!"
And I go, "Why are you doing this to me?!"
And they go, "Because we're Delta Airlines, and life is a fucking nightmare!"

But with my girlfriend, she would just be like, "Let's see if Southwest has any flights."
So it's better.





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