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Leopold Alcocks by Jake Thackray





                    Leopold Alcocks






Tuning: E A D G B E
Capo: 2nd fret
 
LIVE VERSION-
This is based on a live performance, with extra verses not recorded
in the studio version, breezier and slightly more uptempo,
with much simpler chords in the intro and breaks.
 
Time signature: 3/4 (waltz time)
 
CAPO: 2nd fret (Will then sound in the key of A)
 
Chord names and fret positions are relative to the capo:
G   = 320003    C    = x32010
D7  = xx0101    Bm7  = x24232
E7  = 022130    Ddim = xx0101
Am7 = x02010
 
^ = Emphasise the beat
 

 
[Intro]
   G          D7          G           D7
|  /  /  / |  /  /  /  |  /  /  /  |  /  /  / |
 
 
[Verse 1]
   G                  E7          Am7
Leopold Alcocks, my distant re - lation,
 D7                                   G
Came to my flat, for a brief visi - tation,
D7   G                        E7            Am7
He's been here since Februa - ry, damn and blast him,
     D7                                     G    G
My nerves, and my furniture, may not out - last him!
                                            ^    ^
 
[Verse 2]
  C      Bm7         Am7     Bm7
Leopold Alcocks is accident prone,
E7             Am7             D7         G
He's lost my bathplug, he's ruptured my telephone,
D7   C           Bm7          Am7          Bm7
     My anti - rrhinums, my motorbikes, my sofa,
  E7          Am7    D7            G    G
There isn't anything he can't trip o - ver!
                                   ^    ^
 
[Verse 3]
G   D7          G                               E7       Am7
        As he roams through my rooms, all my pussycats scatter,
       D7                                  G
My statuettes tremble, then plummet, then shatter,
D7       G                 E7          Am7
My tablelamps tumble with grim regu - larity,
   D7                                      G     G
My cut-glass has crumbled, and so has my chari - ty!
                                           ^     ^
 
[Verse 4]
   C      Bm7        Am7     Bm7
Leopold Alcocks, an uncanny creature,
E7            Am7          D7            G
He can't take tea without some misad - venture,
Ddim  C                Bm7            Am7           Bm7
 He looks up from his teacup, with a smirk on his features,
       E7           Am7        D7          G
And a slice of my porcelain between his dentures!
 
 
[Verse 5]
G   D7         G                       E7             Am7
        He's upset my goldfish, he's jinxed my wis - teria,
    D7                                          G
My budgie's gone broody, my tortoise has hys - teria,
D7  G                          E7              Am7
    He cleans my teapots, my saucepans, with 'Brasso',
      D7                                      G    G
And leaves chocolate fingerprints on my Pi - cas - so!
                                              ^     ^
 
[Verser 6]
  C      Bm7      Am7           Bm7
Leopold Alcocks, never known to fail,
  E7        Am7             D7              G
Working his way through my fake 'Chippen - dales',
     C             Bm7                Am7       Bm7
One blow from his thighs, which are fearsomely strong,
        E7     Am7         D7        G
Would easily fracture the wing of a swan!
 
 
[Verse 7]
G  D7      G                             E7           Am7
       I brought home my bird for some Turkish mous - saka,
D7                                       G
Up looms old Leopold, I know when I'm knackered,
D7  G                        E7          Am7
    He spills the vino, the great eager beaver,
    D7                                   G
Drenching her jump-suit and my 'joie de vivre'!
 
 
[Verse 8]
   C      Bm7       Am7       Bm7
Leopold Alcocks, stirring my spleen,
E7          Am7         D7            G
You are the grit in my life's 'Vasel -ine',
   C            Bm7           Am7              Bm7
A pox on you, Alcocks, you've been here since Feb'ry,
E7           Am7          D7            G
Go home and leave me a - lone with my debris!
 
[Break]
  G          D7          G           D7
| /  /  / |  /  /  /  |  /  /  /  |  /  /  / |
 
 
[Verse 9]
      G                  E7           Am7
So Leopold Alcocks, my distant re - lation,
     D7                                G
Has gone away home, after his visi - tation,
D7  G                          E7             Am7
    I glimpsed him waving bye -bye this last minute,
  D7                                     G  G
Waving his hand, with my door knob still in it!
                                         ^  ^
 





------------------

version 2





 
Basically the same as the live version, but abridged,
and with different chords in the intro and the breaks.
A slightly smoother performance, with the double beat at the end
of each verse not emphasised as in the live version.
 
Time signature: 3/4 (waltz time)
 
CAPO: 2nd fret (Will then sound in the recorded key of A)
 
Chord names and fret positions are relative to the capo:
Gadd9 = xx5435    G   = 320003     E7  = 022130
G *   = xx5433    D7  = xx0212     Bm7 = x23232
Dm7/A = x00211    Am7 = x02010     Dm7 = xx0211
D7    = xx0212    G6  = 320000
 
 
[Intro]
 Gadd9       G *       Dm7/A        D7
| /  /  / |  /  /  /  |  /  /  /  |  /  /  / |
 
 
[Verse 1]
   G                  E7          Am7
Leopold Alcocks, my distant re - lation,
 D7                                   G
Came to my flat, for a brief visi - tation,
      G                       E7            Am7
He's been here since Februa - ry, damn and blast him,
    D7                                      G   G6   G
My nerves, and my furniture, may not out - last him!
 
 
[Verse 2]
   C      Bm7        Am7     Bm7
Leopold Alcocks is accident prone,
E7             Am7             D7         G
He's lost my bathplug, he's ruptured my telephone,
C           Bm7           Am7         Bm7
My anti - rrhinums, my motorbikes, my sofa,
 E7           Am7    D7             G      Gadd9       Dm7
There isn't anything he can't trip over! |  /  /  /  |  /  /  /  |
 
 
[Verse 3]
D7    G                       E7              Am7
He's upset my goldfish, he's jinxed my wis - teria,
     D7                                         G
My budgie's gone broody, my tortoise has hys - teria,
G                          E7              Am7
He cleaned my teapots, my saucepans, with 'Brasso',
     D7                                      G
And left chocolate fingerprints on my Pi - casso!
 
 
[Verse 4]
   C      Bm7        Am7     Bm7
Leopold Alcocks, an uncanny creature,
E7            Am7          D7            G
He can't take tea without some misad - venture,
     C                Bm7            Am7           Bm7
He looks up from his teacup, with a smirk on his features,
       E7           Am7        D           G        Gadd9       Dm7
And a slice of my porcelain between his dentures! |  /  /  / |  /  /  /  |
 
 
[Verse 5]
D7   G                            E7            Am7
I brought home my bird for some Turkish mous - saka,
D7                                       G
Up looms old Leopold, I know when I'm knackered,
G                        E7           Am7
He spills the vino, the great eager beaver,
   D7                                     G
Drenching her jump-suit and my 'joie de vivre'!
 
 
[Verse 6]
   C      Bm7       Am7       Bm7
Leopold Alcocks, stirring my spleen,
E7          Am7         D7              G
You are the grit in my life's 'Vasel - ine',
   C            Bm7           Am7              Bm7
A pox on you, Alcocks, you've been here since Feb'ry,
E7            Am7          D7           G
Go home, and leave me a - lone with my debris!
 
  Gadd9        G *        Dm7/A       D7
|  /  /  /  |  /  /  /  |  /  /  /  |  /  /  / |
 
 
[Verse 7]
D7   G                 E7            Am7
So Leopold Alcocks, my distant re - lation,
     D7                                G
Has gone away home, after his visi - tation,
G                          E7             Am7
I glimpsed him waving bye -bye this last minute,
  D7                                     G
Waving his hand, with my door knob still in it!







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