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Bashing The Balrog by Leslie Fish
Bashing The Balrog
[Verse 1]
Am C
It is always quite foolhardy for a young and ill-trained party
D E
To gather at a tavern and to say
Am F
We have had it with our teachers.
G E
Let’s go off and kill some creatures,
Am G E Am
And find a ton of gold to haul away.
[Chorus]
G C G
And that is called bashing the balrog.
Am E
And the people who long to attack
C G
Think, once they have bashed on the balrog,
F E Am
The balrog will not bash them back.
[Verse 2]
Am C
It is equally foolhardy for that armed and eager party
D E
To win one lucky battle and feel sure,
Am F
We have polished off a goblin,
G E
But he left our fighter hobblin’.
Am G E Am
Perhaps this magic potion is the cure.
[Chorus]
G C G
And that can make bashing the balrog
Am E
Too much for the cleric and elf,
C G
Who find, when they’re facing the balrog,
F E Am
That their fighter is not quite himself.
[Verse 3]
Am C
It is even more foolhardy for the changed and weakened party
D E
To stare back at the balrog and to say
Am F
We can zap and we can bite you.
G E
We are quite prepared to fight you.
Am G E Am
We suggest you turn around and fly away.
[Chorus]
G C G
And that’s called insulting the balrog,
Am E
For balrogs aren’t easy to bluff.
C G
They know, with a competent balrog,
F E Am
No army is half strong enough.
[Verse 4]
Am C
And it’s just a bit too tardy when a member of the party
D E
Succeeds at his IQ roll and exclaims
Am F
Try a Light spell or Entangle
G E
While I get a better angle,
Am G E Am
For I think I know a way to douse his flames.
[Chorus]
G C G
And that is called fleeing the balrog,
Am E
And those who are wiser agree:
C G
While comrades are bashing the balrog,
F E Am
It’s safest to go climb a tree.
[Verse 5]
Am C
It is almost as foolhardy for the others in the party
D E
To bravely join the fray with spell and sword.
Am F
It has no chance of destroying.
G E
At the worst you’ll be annoying,
Am G E Am
And at best you’ll keep the foe from being bored.
[Chorus]
G C G
And that is called bashing the balrog.
Am E
But should any witness survive,
C G
He’ll see, once you’ve bashed on the balrog,
F E Am
The balrog will skin you alive.
[Verse 6]
Am C
So no matter just how hardy be the fools within your party,
D E
And no matter just how lucrative your aim,
Am F
If it ever is suggested
G E
You can get by unmolested,
Am G E Am
You should rise and pound the table and exclaim,
[Chorus]
G C G
We never can win against balrogs,
Am E
However the dice might be tossed.
C G
For the rules of this game are obscure and arcane,
F E Am E
And the party that plays it is lost, lost, lost!
F E Am
And the party that plays it is lost!
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