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Haircut by Lemon Demon
Haircut
Tuning: E A D G B E
Key: G
[Intro]
B7
[Part 1]
Em
You ought to get your hair cut, it's getting awfully hippy-like
A7
The barber closes soon, you better make it zippy
D C
Like a cheetah sporting some Adidas so you
G C D G C Am D
Run from here to there, as the wind blows through your hair
C Cmaj7
Suddenly you stop
G Am
Perhaps you like your mop
D B
Now we gotta know, do you chop it off [go to 2.1]
Em G A B7
Or do you scoff and let it grow? [go to 2.2]
[Part 2.1]
Em
You run into the store, and meet with Mr Barber
A7
As he starts to cut your hair, the fellow seems to harbour
D C
An improper eagerness to chop your ears off
G C D G C Am D
Suddenly those dull, dull scissors jam into your skull
C Cmaj7
The man says oopsie-daisy
G Am
Sometimes my hands go crazy
D
Blood begins to spout
B
Do you go to the hospital [go to 3.1]
Em G A B7
Or try to pull the scissors out? [go to 3.2]
[Part 2.2]
Em
You stick it to the man that, don't cut your hair don't even shave
A7
For you are now a hippie! You find yourself a sign to wave
D C
And protest fighting for the oppressed people
G C D G C Am D
Animals and trees, but the system disagrees!
C Cmaj7
Violence is transpiring
G Am
Cops are open firing
D
Riots all around
B
Do you run away [go to 3.3]
Em G A B7
Or do you stay and hold your ground? [go to 3.4]
[Part 3.1]
Em
You run right out the door, and over to the hospital
A7
Into the waiting room, which looks just like a moshpit
D C
Full of bleeders flipping through a readers' digest
G C D G C Am D
You queue up in line, behind some guy who broke his spine
C Cmaj7
Later in the story
G Am
Your doctor is Hugh Laurie
D
Well you gotta laugh
B
Should he fix your head [go to 4.1]
Em G A B7
Or should you get his autograph? [go to 4.2]
[Part 3.2]
Em
You firmly yank the scissors, they're stuck no matter how you strain
A7
But now you're feeling tingly, it seems their pressence in your brain
D C
Releases your telekinesis powers
G C D G C Am D
If you so desire objects float or catch on fire
C Cmaj7
This psychic potential
G Am
Could prove consequential
D
Eh, well what the hell.
B
Now you wonder should
Em
You use your powers for good [go to 4.3]
G A B7
Or for evil? [go to 4.4]
[Part 3.3]
Em
You shriek and run away, like a little pansy
A7
And you move into the woods, to live like a chimpanzee
D C
Back to nature but you find you hate your neighbours
G C D G C Am D
Mostly its the bears, can't they mind their own affairs?
C Cmaj7
They've got you surrounded
G Am
Now you're quite confounded
D
What is this about?
B
Do you try to fight [go to 4.5]
Em G A B7
Or just politely talk things out? [go to 4.6]
[Part 3.4]
Em
You make it through the riots, the public wants your story told
A7
So you write a book, the sales come in low and behold
D C
It's caught on earning you a spot on Oprah
G C D G C Am D
She just smiles and winks. Looks like she's had several drinks...
C Cmaj7
Half way through the show
G Am
Oprah lets you know
D
She must have you now
B
Do you slap her in the face [go to 4.7]
Em G A B7
Or do you bow chickachicka wow wow? [go to 4.8]
[Part 4.1]
Em A7
Hugh Laurie starts to scream, "we have to operate!"
D C
He calls upon his team, there's no time to sedate
G C Am C D G C Am G Am C D
With his charming smirk, he begins to go to work
C Cmaj7
But there's one forgotten factor:
G Am
Hugh Laurie's just an actor
D
Turns out he's insane
B
Thanks to him you're dead
Em G Asus Cmaj7 G
He opened up your head and then he ran off with your brain
Yeah?!
[Part 4.2]
Em A7
"Would you be so kind?" You timidly request
D C
"If you wouldn't mind to autograph your breast."
G C Am C D G C Am G Am C D
Laurie signs with grace, then he draws a happy face
C Cmaj7
Quickly with no delay
G Am
You put it up on ebay
D
But to no success
B
Your auction gets removed
Em G Asus Cmaj7 G
Ebay says that you violated their terms of service
Oh no.
[Part 4.3]
Em A7
You spend all your time, even Friday nights
D C
Beating up on crime, wearing spandex tights
G C Am C D G C Am G Am C D
Now everyone's a fan, of the psychic scissor man
C Cmaj7
Now you're making millions
G Am
Defeating supervillains
D
But beneath the fame
B
And beneath the cape
Em G Asus Cmaj7 G
There is no escaping from your se - cret shame
Shame
[Part 4.4]
Em A7
Quickly you embark, on a trail of hate
D C
Creeping in the dark, twisting mankind's fate
G C Am C D
Now the whole world's in your palms
G C Am G Am C D
Activate the atom bombs
C Cmaj7
Several seconds after
G Am D
You erupt in laughter, quite maniacally
B Em G Asus Cmaj7 G
Ha haha haha ha haha haha ha ha ha ha ha ha hee hee
[Part 4.5]
Em A7
You're prepared to fight. The wretched beasts attack
D C
They bear their teeth and bite, but you bite them back
G C Am C D
Soon you've killed them all.
G C Am G Am C D
All but one who's much too small
C Cmaj7
And since you're not a brute
G Am
And since that cub's so cute
D
You adopt him as a son
B
Then that bear and you
Em G Asus Cmaj7 G
Realise a new adventure's just begun
Yeah!
[Part 4.6]
Em A7
So you ask them why we can't just get along
D C
And the bears reply "You've got us all wrong"
G C Am C D G C Am G Am C D
"We come from up there! From a place called Planet Bear"
C Cmaj7
On their ship they take you
G Am D
To their home and make you King of all the bears
B Em
And that seals the deal, proving God is real
G Asus Cmaj7 G
And that he listened to your prayer
Amen
[Part 4.7]
Em A7
You slap Oprah's face, at once her loyal staff
D
Start spraying you with Mace
C
And Oprah starts to laugh
G C Am C D
As the audience
G C Am G Am C D
Overtakes you in defence
C Cmaj7
Of their lovely hostess
G Am
Now your ass is toast yes
D
Sorry my dear friend
B
Guess you're gonna die
Em G Asus Cmaj7 G
You better say goodbye because this is the end
You suck
[Part 8]
Em A7
You and Oprah kiss, the audience goes wild
D C
Voyeuristic bliss, suddenly you're piled
G C Am C D
On the studio floor
G C Am G Am C D
Now it starts to get hardcore
C Cmaj7
On live television
G Am
Passionate collision
D B
Evidential love, genuine romance
Em G Asus Cmaj7 G
Maybe there's a chance that you and Oprah are in love
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