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Christmas Is Pain by Roy Zimmerman
Christmas Is Pain
Capo 5 (Roy plays it on capo 6, but do whatever you can sing to). He also throws a hammer on the C chords.
Same chord progression throughout.
[Verse 1]
C F C
There's a turkey a gobblin' out in the yard
F G
Now he's gutted and stuffed and he's basted and charred
F C F Am G
And your father is whistlin' and washin' the blood down the drain
C
Christmas is pain
[Verse 2]
C F C
There's a crowd on the hillside with hatchets and saws
F G
With a keen disregard for the forestry laws
F C F Am G
And they happily hum while the stumps slowly bleed in the rain
C
Christmas is pain
[Verse 3]
C F C
And the stockings are hung by the chimney with care
F G
As if anyone in their right mind would hang 'em there
F C F Am G
And some tired old crooner is croakin' out carols again
C
Christmas is pain
[Verse 4]
C F C
And you wait for an hour to see Santa Claus
F G
And he's covered with velveteen, bourbon and gauze
F C F Am G
And he pinches your mother and she can't find the words to explain
C
Christmas is pain
[Verse 5]
C F C
And the hungry are hungering on Hunger Street
F G
While the people on Plenty Street . . . eat
F C F Am G
And you punctured the roof of your mouth on a sharp candy cane
C
Christmas is pain
[Verse 6]
C F C
And all the good cheer is just Madison Ave..news
F G
And all the best Christmas songs were written by Jews
F C F Am G
And the eight tiny reindeer have left an embarrassing stain
C
Christmas is pain
[Verse 7]
C F C
And two-thirds of the world doesn't give half a damn
F G
And the rest are all bloated on marshmallowed yams
F C F Am G
And if Jesus was here, he'd be sent to the back of the train
C
Christmas is pain
[Verse 8]
C F C
And they double the price of whatever you need
F G
Singin', "I pledge allegiance to corporate greed"
F C F Am G
And you're forced to spend several hours conversing with your old Aunt Lorraine
G
who's insane
G
with a brain on a plane to Spain
G
where the main stays rainly in the flat terrain
C
Christmas is pain
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