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I'm A Textpert by Rhett & Link
I'm A Textpert
(* means a quick strum on the chord change.)
NO CAPO
[Rhett & Link talking]
Hey
Whatcha doing?
Driving, whatcha doing?
Driving and texting..
Hmmm. Are you sure you should be doing that?
[Link]
G
Yes, because. I'm a textpert
F
An expert at texting
C Am *F*
Rejecting the notion that you think I'll be wrecking
G F
Due to the fact that I'm distracted?!
C Am *F*
I multi-task best behind the wheel when I get textually active
G F
YOU should keep both eyes on the road, sir. For real
C Am *F*
You'll look down, look up and end up in the trunk of another automobile
G F
Leave it to a pro. Be incommunicado
C Am *F* G
Until you get to where you need to go, this conversation's O. Ver
[Rhett & Link talking]
F
No it isn't?
C
Yes it is
Am *F*
No it isn't!
[Rhett]
G F
Cause I'm a textpert! An expert at texting
C Am F
Pressing, my keypad when my car's not resting
G F
I can divide my attention up
C Am *F*
I got so much attention, I've got an eleven-tion
G F
With one eye on the road; one eye on my phone
C Am *F*
I texted-in this drive-thru order for my latte and scone
Thank you
G F
Now I'm-n-a text-n-eat-n-sip-n-dip and shift
C Am *F*
It in to D and then chin-drive home
[Hook: Rhett & Link]
G F
I'm a textpert
C Am F
A textin' traveler who doesn't need a chauffeur-eur-eur-eur-eur
G F
I'm a textpert
C Am F
Don't worry, nobody's gonna get hurt-urt-urt-urt-urt
[Link]
G F
Sometimes I text both sides of a conversation
C Am *F*
Cause it's tough to keep up with my text-ual pacing
G F
On rare occasion, when I've got nothing to text about
C Am *F*
I text myself reminders of what I'm doing now
[Rhett]
G F
I carry on, more concurrent conversations
C Am *F*
Than one phone alone is prone to accept
So, I've
G F
Tested and perfected my patented method:
C Am *F*
The second handset hands-free toe text
[Link]
G F
I ride with my Swedish Masseuse
C Am *F*
She gimme deep tissue thumb shiatzu
[Rhett]
G F
My yogi shows me hand yoga poses, like:
C Am *F*
Downward Facing Pinky and Thumb Lotus
[Link]
G *F*
I'll never stoop so low, as to text photos
C Am *F*
Instead I text the correct combo of 1's and 0's
[Rhett]
G F
I'm an artiste! Using ASCII!
C Am *F*
I just texted this toad to an art gallery
[Link]
G F
I text more, than the next bored pre-pubescent tween!
C Am *F*
In fact I've text-induced my own second puberty!
[Rhett]
G
How does that work exactly?
[Link]
F C *Am*
Everything that happened before is happening some more
That's all I'm comfortable sharing at this time...
[Rhett]
G F
I gave a lift to a drifter!
C
And texted his estranged sister
Am *F*
And now I'm hostin' em here for dinner!
[Link]
G F
Well did I mention I'm a text-itrician?
C Am *F*
A next-gen OB/GYN, a Lamaze text-nician
[Rhett]
G F
Well, I'm the next Dr. Phil of SMS
[Link]
C Am *F*
I'm poppin' out babies with the power of text!
[Hook]
G F
I'm a textpert
C Am F
A textin' traveler who doesn't need a chauffeur-eur-eur-eur-eur
[Rhett and Link talking]
G | G
By the way, where're you headed son? | (I'm a textpert)
F | F
Headed West on 421 | (Don't worry,)
421? |
C | C
Uh-huh | (Nobody's gonna get hurt)
West?! |
Am | Am
Yes. You? | (-urt-urt-)
F | F
Me? I'm headed... | (-urt-urt)
G (if you want a punctual ending)
[CRASH]
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