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A History Lesson by Stephen Lynch
A History Lesson
Stephen:
I have to do the vocals for Medieval Bush.
Friends:
Why?
Stephen:
Cause I said 1570's muff instead of 1470's muff
and the medieval period ended at the beginning
of the 16th century.
Friends:
So thats 1500's.
Wait! So how do you know this?
Stephen:
Cause I used to be a teacher.
Friends:
(Laugh)You used to be a teacher?
Stephen:
Yes.
Friends:
Professor?
Stephen:
No, I taught elementary school and I got fired
because I had an unorthodox way of teaching which
is I would bring in my guitar and...
I never told you this?
Friends:
No!
Stephen:
I would bring in my guitar and I would sing the
lessons to the children.
Friends:
Of course you did.
Stephen:
I am dead serious.
Friends:
Yes.
Stephen:
I am. Alright, alright hold on I'll give you one
of the... Let me remember.
Alright here's one I remember, okay?
This is Ben Franklin.
Am C 2x
Am C
Ben Franklin went out one night,
Am C
Tied a key to the end of a kite,
Am C
Electricity struck so bright,
Dm Am (-> not sure about this one)
Write it down muthafuckas
Friends:
You called the kids motherfuckers?
Stephen:
Some of them were motherfuckers, yes.
Friends:
Science
Stephen:
Ummm... okay!
Am C
Issac Newton sat under a tree,
Am C
An apple hit him in the head so he,
Am C
Said holy shit that's gravity,
Dm Am
Write it down muthafuckas
Stephen:
I have a million of these.
Friends:
Then why don't you do the pilgrims?
Stephen:
Okay... hey now and...
Am C
Pilgrims raced against the clock,
Am C
Looking for a place to dock,
Am C
They said fuck it here's Plymouth Rock,
Dm Am
Write it down muthafuckas.
Friends:
I don't like the fact that you are implying that the
pilgrims were lazy.
Stephen:
I'm not implying anything.
Friend:
Wright Brothers.
Oooh that's a good one.
Stephen:
Uh...
Am C
A dude named Orville Wright,
Am C
Told his bro lets invent flight,
Am C
So Wilbur said "ight",
Dm Am
Write it down muthafuckas
Stephen:
Yes, yes Wilbur said "ight"
Friend:
Wilbur said "ight"?
Stephen:
In my story he did.
Friend:
Wilbur was street in your story?
Stephen:
That's right.
Friend:
Word.
Stephen:
See, you can't stump me
Friend:
Slavery?
Stephen:
Uh there is nothing funny about slavery... well...
Am C
Abe Lincoln lead the nation,
Am C
Freed slaves form the plantation,
Am C
Emanci-mothafuckin' proclamation,
Dm Am
Write it down ananem-ops.
Friend:
Gandhi!
Stephen:
Uh... I did not have a Ghandi one. Uh...
Alright hold on, hold on, hold on.
Gandhi... Uh... alright.
(Slowly)
Am C
Gandhi is what you said,
Am C
An Indian with a bald head,
Am C
And he was a bit under fed,
Dm Am
Write is down muthafuckas!
Stephen:
See?! Yeah! Fired from that job!
Friend:
Your a genius.
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