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The Censored Sailor by Sycamore Smith
The Censored Sailor
STANDARD TUNING
NO CAPO
INTRO: G F E / F G F / G F G C - / C E
B7
I caught a spot of rabies last Fall
E
While I was roaming through the South—
B7
It was raining cats & dogs and every cat and dog
E B7
was foaming at the mouth...
E B7
I met a wild-eyed spinster on the back of a bus
E
She asked if there was any part of her I'd like to touch
B7
When I told her "Yer nuts!" she got mad at me
E E7 C B7
And lectured on female anatomy...
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CHORUS:
A D
I got a tight white sailor's suit on
G A
I got some business with you on the futon
F G
If you got the time, honey, I got the moolah
Am Am7 F E
I'm not Mr Right, but I am Mr Two Wrongs...
A D
Cardinals with fuchsia feathers
G A
Grip their flies and flap together
F G
Here comes a bird with a ball on a tether
Am E Am E
Followed by another and another and another
Am E Am … E
And the rest of this adventure is CENSORED
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B7
Flanagan went a full year without bathing
E
And he reeked like a Hell-born beast
He used to slick his hair back every day
B7 E B7
With a bear claw and elbow grease
E
So I told him "You'll be showered with candy and treats
B7
If you can knock a piñata off the branch of a tree"
E
But what I showed him was not a pinata, no,
B7 E E7 C B7
'Twas a beehive, actually...
A7 B7 E
Thus he was chased by the bees,
A7 B7 E
They followed him down to the creek
A7 B7
He jumped in the water—
E
The upshot's he got his
A7 B7 E E7 C B7
First bath in fifty-two weeks
Middle Kazoo Part:
A D / G A / F G / Am Am7 F E
A D / G A / F G / Am E / Am E / Am E / Am E
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B7
If yer a wealthy old codger then y'better not lodge here
E
At the Amputated Arms Hotel, pop—
B7
The man behind the counter, though a brute & a bounder
E B7 E
Is a milk-sop next to the bell-hop
B7
Who'd rather turn you inside oot & backwards
E
Than pamper you, you highfalutin bastard—
B7
Ask him for a hand with your bag
E B7 E E7 C B7
And you are gonna catch a boot in yer sack, sir!
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CHORUS:
A D
I got a tight white sailor's suit on
G A
I got some business with you on the futon
F G
If you got the time, honey, I got the moolah
Am Am7 F E
I'm not Mr Right, but I am Mr Two Wrongs...
A D
Cardinals with fuchsia feathers
G A
Grip their flies and flap together
F G
Here comes a bird with a ball on a tether
Am E Am E
Followed by another and another and another
Am E Am … E
And the rest of this adventure is CENSORED
OUTRO: G F E / F G F / G F G C - / C E
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