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5 Poofs And 2 Pianos by Tim Minchin
5 Poofs And 2 Pianos
(A) E/G#
Obviously I don't want to infer that being invited onto Friday Night with Wossy
F#m E
isn't wonderfully affirming, and I know I oughta
A
appreciate the risk you took, the bookers who agreed to book
E/G# F#m
E
a chap who tends to talk about the kinda things that get the BBC in hot water.
A6
And I don't want to seem greedy, I'm just saying
(E)
I'd like to be here every week if that's OK.
Fo7(or E7b9/F)
And, if you'll hear me out, I think I've got a way
F#m E D
in which we could do it pretty easily.
E
You can leave all the boring details to me.
A6* Eadd2/A* F#m/A*
It's a brilliant idea, a truly original concept.
A6* Eadd2/A* E/B
No one in Britain has ever done anything like it yet.
Picture this - imagine if we had
(A) E/G# F#m E D
five poofs and two pianos - yeah, it's a wicked idea.
A E/G#
Why settle for a quartet of queers
D/F# E
When there's a possibility of a penta-poofter-piano-posse here?
(A) E/G# F#m E D
Five poofs and two pianos - yeah, it'll be ace:
A E/G# D A
a hundred percent more pianos and twenty five percent more gays.
Pickup: E F# G#
(A)
I know, I know, I've seen the problem too.
(E/A)
There's a rumour I am straight, it's true.
(D/A) Dm
It hurts to admit it, but I'm about as bent
Dm
as Wossy himself or Fiddy Cent.
(A)
But I've already thought it through.
(E/A)
D'you know there's preachers in America who reckon they can do
D
sexuality conversions. I've heard them assert
D7
they can cure a man of trouser love and turn him onto skirt.
E7
Well I don't see why they couldn't pull the same trick in reverse, and we'd have -
(A) E/G# F#m E D
five poofs and two pianos - yeah, it's a revolution
A E/G#
and probably the best solution
D E
to the problem you're inevitably having with an even number of homosexuals.
Pickup: E F# G#
(A)
Yes I know your producers might suspect
(E/A)
that the licence-paying public will object
(D/A) D
to the Corporation having yet
Dm
another homosexual to pay.
(A)
The Daily Mail will bring the big guns out.
(E/A)
Jan Moir will be frothing at the mouth,
(D/A)
writing further brilliant stuff about
(Dm) E
the myth about being both happy and gay.
F#m F#m/A F#m/C#
But all that moral indignation
D/F# A/E
will disappear when they see
D A
those four lovely guys and me
Bm E
singing in perfect harmony.
F#m/A
And all those angry letter writers,
D/A
like 'Disgusted' from the Isle of Wight
F#m/A
and 'Mad' from Hull and 'Outraged' from Leeds
E E7 Fo7
and 'Slightly Annoyed' from Berwick on Tweed,
F#m E D
will instantly change their tune.
A E
They'll be bleeding-heart liberals by Saturday noon.
D
They'll be giving their grandchildren up for adoption
E E7 Fo7
in the hope that a gay married couple will adopt 'em.
F
They'll be putting rainbow stickers on their cars,
G E (Bass line - A
E F E G A)
and cutting holes in the arse of their leather strides.
And watching 2 pianos and 5 guys
Watching 2 pianos and 5 guys
G (picks up on the G in the bass line)
Watching 2 pianos and five ..1, 2 ,3, 4,
(C) G/B Am G F
5 poofs and 2 pianos - yeah, it'll be grand.
C G/B F C
You can never have too many pianos or too much man.
(C) G/B Am F
5 poofs and 2 pianos - maybe we could out Jamie Cullum.
G F C
Make it a trio of pianos and a big gay half dozen.
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